When I was a teenager I had dreams of moving to a big city where I’d work as some type of executive and wear designer clothes and ridiculously expensive shoes, drive a sports car and have an ultra modern penthouse apartment with city views. I guess growing up in a tiny town in the Midwest where the wasn’t even a shopping mall or movie theater within 40 miles made me feel like I was missing out on something fabulous as I shoved buttered popcorn and soda in my mouth and watched Knots Landing on TV with my mom and sister on Thursday nights. It took years for me to figure out what I truly wanted in life. It was to find my purpose, and what the Universe (God) had planned for me was much different than what I had initially hoped for.
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Did you have any big dreams growing up? Maybe you wanted to be a doctor? Or a marine biologist? Maybe you ended up being exactly what you wanted. Are you fulfilled? I truly hope you are. Looking back, I’m not sure why it took me so long to figure out my life purpose. It seems so obvious to me now. I kind of wish I could go back in time and give my younger self a smack up side the head!
If you’ve read any of my earlier posts you know I was overweight (obese by clinical standards) as a teenager. It seemed to happen from out of nowhere. I was a skinny kid growing up, then all a sudden, BAM. It was like overnight I blew up. None of my clothes fit. I wore huge clothes from the second hand store to hide my fatness. My mom would try to take me clothes shopping, something every (or most anyway) high school girl begs for, but I couldn’t stand going clothes shopping. Going into the dressing room was a nightmare. Nothing ever looked good on my body. My mom was always outside harassing me to come out and model the clothes, but I never wanted to leave the tiny changing closet. Rarely did I ever end up getting anything.
This was when my relationship with food and my body turned bad. I hated myself. I hated my body. I wanted to be skinny like my sister, pretty and popular. I wanted to look good in the clothes my mom picked out for me to try on. But I didn’t. I was ashamed. I was teased at school. I would starve myself all day because I didn’t want anyone to see me eat, then get home and graze until dinner because I was so hungry. I started to hate food for what it was doing to my body. The cycles of starvation and binging and the horrible depression that followed. It was awful. I knew I couldn’t go on like this forever.
So I made a change. I won’t bore you with the details. I wrote all about it in another post, but I made some major lifestyle changes that shifted my life in a positive direction. I still had a lot of hiccups a long the way, things that I did that I thought were healthy at the time – from fad diets to extreme workout regimens to spending tons of money on unnecessary supplements. I don’t regret any of it. They are all experiences that shaped who I am today so that I am better able to help others find their healthiest, fittest, happiest life.
So, instead of designer clothes and expensive shoes I wear leggings to work. I drive an economy car. I don’t live in a penthouse apartment in an expensive high rise, but I do live in an exciting, big city where there is always something exciting going on. And every day that I walk to the Beverly Hills Equinox where I work, I can’t help but smile. It is so beautiful here, I am so grateful to live in this gorgeous place, helping people find their own healthy, happy lifestyle and reduced stress way of living. All in yoga pants and a smile. This is my life purpose. This is where I find peace.